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| Practical
life in Paris (3): the Parisians |
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See also :
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If you are invited by a Parisian...
- For dinner :
if the host says 8, do not show up at 8 pm ! (actually, the custom
is : 15 minutes after the announced time!)
- Do not dress
TOO casually
- If you bring
something, do NOT bring wine (except to close friends) : your
host has chosen the wine he considers the most appropriate and
you will jeopardize his choice ! Bring flowers (but not : chrysanthemums
-which are for cemeteries- or carnations-which the French think
bring bad luck) or a box of chocolates. More about wine.
- The before dinner
drink ("apéritif") is generally long
: do not drink (and do not eat) too much
- Do not eat a
lot of the hors d'oeuvres, even if you're really enjoying
them : it is only the first course ! (remember a French meals
inclues five courses : first course, main course, salad, cheese,
dessert). More
about cheese.
- Be ready for
a LONG meal (especially on Xmas or New Year's Eve) and
try to be open-minded if the food looks "unusual.": refusing a dish
is a NO-NO ...
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- You may be surprised
to see the children at the table and astonished by how well they
behave...
- Talk lightly
about many different subjects : literature, movies, history, politics, anything except money
and the
Stock Market! The French conversation is like a ping-pong game
: the subjects jump....
- Relax about
table manners : your hosts will be understanding ! But there
are a few differences : hands are ON the table, bread NOT on
the plate, etc... Read an article about it ("Don't Eat Your
Soup With a Fork")
!
- Do NOT expect
to visit the apartment and do not ask for it : this is a private
domain
!
- Do NOT offer
to help (except with close friends, and even...)
- At the end of
the party, the hostess will offer orange juice or something like
that : it means "the show is over" !
- Read Harriet's
books French
Toast
and
French
Fried to
understand better, see more DOs & DON'Ts and read our page about
Sunday
meals
!
- More to come
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USEFUL TIPS.... With the diminishing number of
"concierges", many buildings in Paris now have an access
code or an "interphone" : do not forget to ask
for it before you visit someone...
USEFUL TIPS....
You do not have to say "bon appétit" : more
and more people consider it very old-fashioned ; when you go
to the bathroom, do NOT say "I am going to the bathroom"
: just say "excuse me" (or say nothing). And keep your
hands ON the table !
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Meeting the French :
a real challenge !
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Many visitors and most expats
report that it is difficult to meet the French. True. Several
reasons :
- Language
: speak French or at least
try to (imagine a Frenchman speaking no English in Topeka, Kansas....)
- The French do not have the kind
of neighborhood relations the Americans
are used to (they start talking to their neighbor after ten years...)
- Social codes
are different : no church
life, no corporate picnics, etc...
- The French are
more formal and, if
they invite you, they want to make it perfect, nothing casual
- Compared to Americans, they
are always on their guard : remember
the number of wars
and observe that, in French, the equivalent of "I'm doing
OK" is "je me défends" (= I am defending
myself allright")
- The French have a different
idea of friendship
: when
you are the friend of someone, it is a serious matter and you
are really committed : you tell him/her what you think!
- The French have a different
sense of humor : much more aggressive and sarcastic
- Etc...
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A
few useful tips :
- Speak
to people, even if your French is terrible
- Invite
your neighbors or the people
you work with (it is harder for them, as the French do not like
casual invitations and they have to go to a lot of trouble if
they organize a big dinner party for you)
- Shop
in the same place or go to
the same cafe (Michael
Sadler, an Englishman, is hysterically funny when he reports
how he became friends with his next-door café owner)
- Invite your neighbor (or ask
him to invite you) to watch a rugby or football game on TV : the French love sports
(especially when seated)
- Etc...
An organization :
- Meeting the French : for an interesting experience with
French hosts : being a dinner guest in a French home or meet
the French while they work (yes!) : for groups of ten, it arranges
visits of shops and workshops (bakery, jewelry, chocolate, book-binding,
etc...)
Please write
to share your experiences !
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| USEFUL TIPS.... In France, don't invite
people for "coffee and dessert". The French
eat late - by the time you've finished your meal, they probably
haven't even started theirs! If you do plan to do this, make
sure you ask them what the best time would be. They'll probably
say "10 pm". So be prepared! Also, don't make a huge
gooey concoction: French desserts are lighter and not as sweet
as American ones and the French don't eat huge portions! |
Gifts to bring or take
back...
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It
is always very challenging to find the appropriate gift for a
French friend or the adequate gift to bring back to your Mom.
You can find any American product in France and almost any French
product in the U.S.A., so be on the look-out for things that
are, for instance, very typical of your State or your Region.
Here are a few suggestions...
From the U.S.A. for a French friend :
- Any battery-operated gadget
(but nothing you have to plug : electricity voltage and plugs
are different)
- Native-American arts and crafts
- CDs and computer games
- More to come
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From France for an American friend
:
- A set of small cans of different
kinds of "pâtés" from a good shop
like "Comtesse du Barry" or "Hédiard"
, or the same with different kinds of jams ("confitures")
or mustard (there are many varieties)
- High-quality knives (name
: "Laguiole") or folding-knives ("Opinel")
which range from very small to huge (but remember you cannot
take them with you on a plane)
- A very small gift can be a few
boxes of "Anis de Flavigny" candies :
the boxes are pretty and old-fashioned or a nice bag of real
Sea Salt (sel de mer).
- Porcelain items from Britanny (Quimper) or Normandy
(Rouen)
- Old engravings to frame
- Household goods ("Résonance"), olive
oil ("Olivier & Co"), etc.. on the Allée
des Chais at the Parc de Bercy
- The vast Flea Market
("Marché aux Puces"), Porte de Clignancourt
(North of Paris), is a nice place to buy a gift from a few Euros
for a little artefact to thousands of Euros for beautiful pieces
of furniture. You can always bargain (up to 20/30%) but remember
that (supposedly wealthy) Americans start the negociation with
a handicap...
- For more ideas, read Born
to Shop (see bibliography)
- More to come
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| USEFUL TIPS.... In France, people spend
MUCH MORE money on gifts; typically a French gift would
be AT LEAST two or three times more costly than the equivalent
gift in the U.S.A. Keep that in mind when you receive (and when
you make) a gift ! |
More about life in Paris
: see our favourite links
, some useful commercial
links and read Paris
diary. If, when in Paris, you had to face some practical
problems and want to share your experience, please let us know
: we'll mention it in this page or in irksome
France....
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To table
of contents
More on life
in Paris
To intercultural
differences
Back to home
page
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For more on intercultural
differences, order Harriet Welty Rochefort's
books :
- "French Toast, An American in Paris Celebrates
The Maddening Mysteries of the French",
St.Martin's Press, New York, 1999
- "French Fried, The Culinary Capers of An American
in Paris", St.Martin's Press,
New York, 2001
More on Harriet's books (excerpts, upcoming
events, testimonials, etc..)
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